Hi everyone,
I know this is a tough topic in our specialty, and medicine in general, but I'd love to hear some opinions as I'm struggling quite a lot at the moment, and the stigma around it makes rational thoughts on treatment a lot harder. I'm a junior and corona undeniably made the last year a lot tougher, but after having been diagnosed in undergrad, and going off medication more or less successfully during medschool, I feel that I'm reaching a point where I might not be able to deal with these issues by myself anymore. Productivity is extremely low, my interactions with patients and colleagues don't go the way they once did, and personally, there are weeks where I'm just going through hell. I'm planning to stay in academia so there's always more to do on days off, and it also increases the hesitancy to get help due to the size of our field and the shitshow that academic medicine can be. Any perspective is welcome, thank you
Not a resident. But psych background.
Just want to say you have so much courage admitting that you can’t do it alone anymore. This is an extremely challenging issue in medicine in general, 1000x in neurosurgery. I hope you get some useful advice and get back to where you’d like to be.
I’ve had a few close friends and classmates not make it through medical school because they couldn’t keep balances any longer and did not want to take medication. They would reference that they they made it through senior year of college/first two years Med school etc. it was heartbreaking to see their dreams slip through their fingers because things went so off course.
I am a strong proponent of medication I hope someone can speak to how to approach this as a resident.
I want to echo that it is very brave of you to admit that you are truly struggling, in a specialty that gives lip service to "burnout" but not to psychiatric and mood disorders. Please get plugged in to treatment, at the very least a mental health professional who can evaluate you, provide therapy, and assess whether you ought to be on medication. Whether or not you want to be transparent to colleagues and PD depends on your environment and comfort level, but please take care of yourself. Sending good vibes
I was depressed severely, had no friends in my program. Wasn’t buddy buddy with attendings. Sought help during easy rotation but no way to get help on rotation working 100+ hours a week. They saw it as a weakness and let me go. I would not recommend mentioning depression as I and over 10 residents in competitive programs were just looked as weak and let go. Instead a program should do all they can to support a resident because at the end of a day it’s the failure of the program. Until the ACGME really steps in, or there is another accreditation body that keeps the acgme and programs in check, this will continue on in medicine.
Senior resident here. I applaud your bravery in addressing this (even on an anonymous forum, as you said, our field is tiny).
Similar to the comment above, I encourage you to seek professional evaluation and possible treatment (medications). I would seek a professional from a different hospital system, just to avoid this becoming known in your work environment if someone is nosy and decides to commit a HIPAA violation and chart-check you on your EHR software.
At the same time, I would also share this diagnosis and situation with one person at your institution. I would choose PD, or academic mentor, or any senior-level, mentor-quality attending at your institute. No one can ever harm you in your career for your mental health history, but if not backed by a supportive mentor, and a mental health breakdown leads to patient care compromise, they might blame it on incompetence or negligence, and then it can hurt your career. If such a supportive figure has your back, even without disclosing this piece of info about you, he/she can advocate for you.
You are not alone in this. If you were my co-resident, I would have loved to stand by your side through this.
I hope you are in a program with supportive coresidents. I didn’t have anyone to go to. Felt like an outcast.
Thanks so much to everyone who left a comment. You can say what you want about this forum, and about anonymous virtual discussions in general, but to have colleagues that share a level of understanding and some kind words ... actually means a lot. It's definitely a huge contributing factor of depression in medicine, to feel a strong sense of isolation with regards to the unique struggles that one faces as a (neurosurgical) resident. I genuinely like my colleagues, and while one can never be cautious enough, I do feel lucky in that sense, and very sorry to hear that others feel/felt left alone by their peers. In a way, I get that many feel uncomfortable to talk about it, or having to 'deal' with a resident that has these issues. I'm also not one to paint with broad strokes and judge the system and every governing body for the way things are, it's just a very complicated issue and dichotomous thinking won't do us no good. I will reach out to my mentor and try to get treated at an outside facility. Thanks for the input and the lovely words of encouragement
(03-21-2021, 04:34 PM)Guest Wrote: Thanks so much to everyone who left a comment. You can say what you want about this forum, and about anonymous virtual discussions in general, but to have colleagues that share a level of understanding and some kind words ... actually means a lot. It's definitely a huge contributing factor of depression in medicine, to feel a strong sense of isolation with regards to the unique struggles that one faces as a (neurosurgical) resident. I genuinely like my colleagues, and while one can never be cautious enough, I do feel lucky in that sense, and very sorry to hear that others feel/felt left alone by their peers. In a way, I get that many feel uncomfortable to talk about it, or having to 'deal' with a resident that has these issues. I'm also not one to paint with broad strokes and judge the system and every governing body for the way things are, it's just a very complicated issue and dichotomous thinking won't do us no good. I will reach out to my mentor and try to get treated at an outside facility. Thanks for the input and the lovely words of encouragement
The lack of taking mental health seriously in medicine has been a long standing problem. The isolation people feel, fear of consequences from others who perceive it as "weakness," etc. are all problems that we need to evolve past. I personally am committed to being a listener to my colleagues if they ever need it.
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