Don't deserve to apply...

[MS4--]

Rant ahead. Decided on NSRG late MS3. Now MS4 on Sub-I's. Everyone is a rockstar. Knew they wanted this 4-5 even 10 years ago in high school. Publications and all that over years of dedication.

And I'm here with average grades, almost no research, and honestly I'd feel like crap if I got in at this point cause I haven't demonstrated any commitment to this.

Honestly, I like it as much as any medical student could without having any real responsibilities. I don't mind the hours for now but who knows 10-15 years later.

Pardon the dumb analogy, it's like why "date" me when there's someone else available, more passionate, and more prepared for what's to come?

I can't stop thinking over and over in my head. I haven't shown any real commitment to this. I haven't contributed anything to this. I hide behind a constant veil of faked intelligence because I'm a decent memorizer and can select A, B, C whatever better than most people but I'm not creative at all.

Then I start to question my motives and even though I consciously deny it's for the pride, ego, "grandiose sense of self importance", however you want to define narcissism I can't help but think maybe I'm doing this for external validation that I'm an otherwise nobody.

Maybe it's for the validation from people I'm afraid to even make eye contact with of wearing scrubs that say "low self esteem resident M.D. neurological surgery" on it.

Thanks for reading my dumb thoughts. Good luck 2023 match cycle to those on the trail. I hope I'm not the only one who feels this way.

[Focus]

Sounds like you need to have an honest conversation with the program director at your institution or another neurosurgical mentor.

[Guest]

OP sounds mentally unstable.

[Guest]

Read this post thinking the OP is trying to mock other candidates.  If it is a real person's true feelings: don't go into neurosurgery or at least apply to multiple specialties because I doubt you will interview well.

[Guest]

(07-15-2022, 09:12 PM)Guest Wrote: Read this post thinking the OP is trying to mock other candidates.  If it is a real person's true feelings: don't go into neurosurgery or at least apply to multiple specialties because I doubt you will interview well.

You need to consider another specialty. Bring a piece of shit is harder to hide than imposter syndrome during an interview.

[Guest]

OP just wants to put down and mock other candidates. Wants to be validated. Let me be upfront: OP will be lucky to match in rural family medicine.